We will now continue with our regularly scheduled program...

Wow. I had not realized it had been so long since I had been on here. Anybody still here?




Anybody?




No one?




Oh, well. I don't mind talking to myself. Besides, my narcissistic tendencies are starting to overpower me.

So much time has passed. And so much has happened.

Or maybe not so much.

Let's see. I have gained 14 pounds since my last recorded weigh-in (which was in July). Gasp! 14 pounds.

Eek! That's a lot. Wow (shaking my head)....sorry, I'm just shocked that I have gained that much. No wonder I was starting to feel heavy. No wonder I was starting to feel like a stuffed sausage about to explode from it's casing. No wonder my entire body was starting to moan and groan while all this strain was put on it.

My poor body.

It has gone through so much. And yet, it has never let me down. I have used and abused my body for more than 22 years. I have fed it with the most unhealthiest foods you can think of. I have let it sit idle while it screamed for activity. I have let it balloon to the size it is now.

And again, it has never let me down.

I have never had a major illness or sickness. Never broken bones or severely injured myself. Besides being overweight and the slight high blood pressure, I have never had any major problems with my health.

Never has my body failed me. And all my life, I have failed my body.

I truly am an ungrateful person. There are people battling for their lives because their bodies are giving up. There are people who are wishing they could run or walk or do normal physical activities, but can't because their bodies won't let them.

And here I am, with a body that would do anything to please me, and all I have done is laughed in its face and I have treated it with such inconsideration.

Writing this brings tears to my eyes because I can't believe I have been so careless. I can't believe I have been so evil and mean to something that has been so good to me. The way my body looks is my fault. But the way my body functions, moves and heals itself is a gift from God.

It is time to start showing a little gratitude for this precious gift.

Reason #1

As far as I can remember, I have been an envier of other people's lives. I have envied that girl because her body is to die for. I have envied that girl because she wears the cutest outfits. I have envied that girl because she looks like she is always having fun. I could go on for days, but I'm sure you get my point.

The #1 reason why I envy is pretty obvious? I'm fat.

Being fat:

I am super insecure in my body.
I don't like going out because of that insecurity (Will people stare at me? Will people make fun of me?).
I can't enjoy myself when I'm out with my boyfriend (Do we look funny together, him being hot and me being...not?).
I don't get to wear the things I really want to wear, thus having no style whatsoever.
I don't approach people making it super hard for me to meet new people and make friends.

Again, I could go on and on but I'm sure you get my point.

I envy those girls with the uber confidence. Those girls who don't give a damn what other people think and just live their lives the way want to. I want to be one of those girls. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to be a certain size to have confidence. But for me, personally, I believe being at the weight I am has tons to do with my confidence.

Or I could be way off and I really am a goober.

But maybe, just maybe, I'm not.

I have only known myself as being this akward, heavy girl. I have no idea what kind of person I would be if I was happy and comfortable in my own skin because I have never been.

So really, am I this cool person, with lots of confidence and who is happy with herself trapped inside this blob dripping with negativity and self-doubt? Can I be the type of person who is not the envier but the enviee (trust me, that's a word. enviee - a person who is envied). Am I? Can I?

And to think I have held the solution to these questions in my chubby, sweaty hands for 17 years.

The answer is...all together, now...lose weight!

Yes, lose weight and get healthy. Challenge myself to lose the bad habits I have grown accustomed to over the years. Really see what I'm made of.

The first step to changing anything in life is admitting you have a problem.

My name is Little Miss Fatty Pants and I'm an envidiosa (it sounds so nice in Spanish but really it's not).

It's time to change that.