I'm feeling Hefty

Well, I got a lot out of Reason #1. A whole day of working out. Not working out all day, but a workout. I'll explain.

My Tuesday had started off not so great. I had a crappy breakfast and ate some crappy food throughout the day. But then I got some things off my chest. And after that, I felt super duper awesome throughout the rest of the day. Especially at the gym. I hopped on to the elliptical machine and worked my little huge flat butt off. Yes, I pushed myself and kept going over and over that post in my head until I had completed one hour straight on that damn machine. My boyfriend was very impressed. Heck, I was impressed. And I never did believe in that whole talking to and pumping yourself up sort of thing. I guess I showed myself.

But I wasn't prepared to milk that one amazing feat for the next 2 days. You know what I'm talking about. "I ate a healthy breakfast and lunch, so one bag of Hershey kisses won't hurt me" or "I've been working out so good during the week, I'm going to eat whatever I want on the weekend." The whole justifying your bad habits is totally warped but I am a pro at it. So, because of one measly hour of amazing huffing and puffing, I gave myself 2 days off at the gym.

And my eating has been....there are no words.

Wait, yes there are.

Wednesday - Friday = fast food nation.

Seriously though, I am so tired of fast food. I am craving a good, light, home-cooked meal. Man, they are right. You are what you eat. I've been eating shit and now I look and feel like shit. Oh, how I hate when they are right.

To get rid of this crappy feeling, this weekend is going to be full of workouts and great, healthy, and yummy food. I will pump my chubby legs until they can't pumps no more. I will have to get my cook on as the head chef is on vacation here at Casa Fatty Pants. I'm thinking of trying to convince the boyfriend to fire up the grill for some BBQ tomorrow. Add lots and lots of water to that mix and this weekend should be gravy.

And maybe those 2 pounds, that I pretended to not see this morning on the scale, will be gone.

For good.

P.S. Obviously I'm not an expert, but seriously, if you are having a hard time getting through workouts or even starting a workout, think long and hard about one thing you want. To fit into some shorts, to lose 5 pounds, to not be so jealous of other girls (ahem), etc. Really, think about it. Think about that and only that. It'll make your workout a piece of cake. Trust me.

Reason #1

As far as I can remember, I have been an envier of other people's lives. I have envied that girl because her body is to die for. I have envied that girl because she wears the cutest outfits. I have envied that girl because she looks like she is always having fun. I could go on for days, but I'm sure you get my point.

The #1 reason why I envy is pretty obvious? I'm fat.

Being fat:

I am super insecure in my body.
I don't like going out because of that insecurity (Will people stare at me? Will people make fun of me?).
I can't enjoy myself when I'm out with my boyfriend (Do we look funny together, him being hot and me being...not?).
I don't get to wear the things I really want to wear, thus having no style whatsoever.
I don't approach people making it super hard for me to meet new people and make friends.

Again, I could go on and on but I'm sure you get my point.

I envy those girls with the uber confidence. Those girls who don't give a damn what other people think and just live their lives the way want to. I want to be one of those girls. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to be a certain size to have confidence. But for me, personally, I believe being at the weight I am has tons to do with my confidence.

Or I could be way off and I really am a goober.

But maybe, just maybe, I'm not.

I have only known myself as being this akward, heavy girl. I have no idea what kind of person I would be if I was happy and comfortable in my own skin because I have never been.

So really, am I this cool person, with lots of confidence and who is happy with herself trapped inside this blob dripping with negativity and self-doubt? Can I be the type of person who is not the envier but the enviee (trust me, that's a word. enviee - a person who is envied). Am I? Can I?

And to think I have held the solution to these questions in my chubby, sweaty hands for 17 years.

The answer is...all together, now...lose weight!

Yes, lose weight and get healthy. Challenge myself to lose the bad habits I have grown accustomed to over the years. Really see what I'm made of.

The first step to changing anything in life is admitting you have a problem.

My name is Little Miss Fatty Pants and I'm an envidiosa (it sounds so nice in Spanish but really it's not).

It's time to change that.

....

It's been a ghost town around here.

Not because I've been bad, just because I haven't had a chance to log in.

Now I'm not going to mislead you and say I have been excellent because, honestly, I haven't.

But I am back in the gym. Hooray!! Even though I almost died last night in my Kickbox Jam class, hooray!!

The eating is still not under control. Boo.

I'm down 1.6 pounds for the week. Double hooray! I guess the working out is paying off.

So, slowly but surely I'm getting to the 240's. So stoked about that.

And that's all I've got.

Have a great holiday weekend!!