As far as I can remember, I have been an envier of other people's lives. I have envied that girl because her body is to die for. I have envied that girl because she wears the cutest outfits. I have envied that girl because she looks like she is always having fun. I could go on for days, but I'm sure you get my point.
The #1 reason why I envy is pretty obvious? I'm fat.
I am super insecure in my body.
I don't like going out because of that insecurity (Will people stare at me? Will people make fun of me?).
I can't enjoy myself when I'm out with my boyfriend (Do we look funny together, him being hot and me being...not?).
I don't get to wear the things I really want to wear, thus having no style whatsoever.
I don't approach people making it super hard for me to meet new people and make friends.
Again, I could go on and on but I'm sure you get my point.
I envy those girls with the uber confidence. Those girls who don't give a damn what other people think and just live their lives the way want to. I want to be one of those girls. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to be a certain size to have confidence. But for me, personally, I believe being at the weight I am has tons to do with my confidence.
Or I could be way off and I really am a goober.
But maybe, just maybe, I'm not.
I have only known myself as being this akward, heavy girl. I have no idea what kind of person I would be if I was happy and comfortable in my own skin because I have never been.
So really, am I this cool person, with lots of confidence and who is happy with herself trapped inside this blob dripping with negativity and self-doubt? Can I be the type of person who is not the envier but the enviee (trust me, that's a word. enviee - a person who is envied). Am I? Can I?
And to think I have held the solution to these questions in my chubby, sweaty hands for 17 years.
The answer is...all together, now...lose weight!
Yes, lose weight and get healthy. Challenge myself to lose the bad habits I have grown accustomed to over the years. Really see what I'm made of.
The first step to changing anything in life is admitting you have a problem.
My name is Little Miss Fatty Pants and I'm an envidiosa (it sounds so nice in Spanish but really it's not).
It's time to change that.
Thoughts on a Thursday
2 weeks ago