Ummm...

I wasn't going to post today because yesterday wasn't such a great day for me. I got one of those "throw everything in your mouth" urges. And when I got home from work, I did just that.

Wednesday
Breakfast: oatmeal, almonds, raisins, orange juice
Snack: 2 toffee-ettes
Lunch: rice, chicken breast, chard
snack: Fiber one Bar, Cantaloupe, strawberries
Mini Binge: more toffee-ettes, handful of doritos, 1 black bean brownie, 2 tootsie rolls, handful of dried apricots
Dinner: rice, 2 baby potatoes, roasted chicken, beet salad (beets, carrots, tomatoes, avocado...so good!), coke

No exercise.

My binge could have been a lot worse. Good thing there isn't much in the house that can do much damage. I don't know what happened. I wasn't hungry or anything. I just wanted to eat. It was just something to do. I really have to work on that.

I was going through some old photos last night. There were some of me when I lost a ton of weight about 5 years ago. I want to look like that again. I want that feeling of accomplishment I used to get when I saw how small I was getting. I want to be that disciplined again. I still have the clothes that I bought when I lost the weight and I want to fit into them. I can see my mind starting to think like it did back then, but I have a long way to go.

Satan says I think about it way too much. I think about how hard it's going to be, about how long it's going to take, about how much longer I have to go, etc., etc. He says to just do it already! It's just hard not to think about it because it's such a big deal right now. That's another thing I have to work on.

My brain hurts.